那一段愤然的忧伤，究竟是美，还是丑，早已没有了定论了，只是微微的有些许习惯

神棍春

通往青海湖的路上，沿途的景色引的我们在车内，发出阵阵惊奇的欢呼声。青藏高原的山没有多少植被，远远望去是一些浅褐浅紫色的草，洁净蔚蓝的蓝天下白云朵朵，绵延的山坡上到处可见飘扬着的五彩经幡，和有着浓郁的宗教气氛的建筑，牧草上静静的羊群、牦牛在悠闲的吃草，这里的山不像我们陕南的山峰俊秀，郁郁葱葱绿得醉人。如果说我们陕南的山像清扬婉约的女子，那么青藏高原的山像心胸宽广、伟岸、粗犷、豪迈的汉子。

因为是秋天，偶尔在山上也可见层林尽染的浅黄色树林。在静静的、洁净的蓝天白云下，山坡上浅黄的树林，一望无际的草地上、洁白的羊群悠然自得，像一幅天然的油画，醉人心扉。整个途中给我的印象是“静”、“洁”、“蓝”。

途径日月山、倒淌河，有文成公主塑像和行宫。传说当年文成公主远嫁吐蕃王松赞干布时经过此地，远离京城的繁华，来到这荒凉的地方，心中甚是忧伤，可肩负着唐蕃世代友好的重任，无奈的流下思念故土的泪水，河水为之动情，倒头向西流去，带着公主的无限相思流向故里。

过了倒淌河往前行，感觉离天空越来越近，巍峨的山顶上有白茫茫的雪，在阳光的照耀下，散射着耀眼的光芒，白的闪亮，白的圣洁，我们激动的直呼“雪、雪......”。虽然正值中午，阳光明媚，却能看见天上的月亮，正可谓有”日月同辉"的感觉。

在快要到达青海湖时，远远看去，天连着水、水连着天，天湖一色，一片蔚蓝。美丽辽阔的牧草上，一片黄色的油菜花海里，飘扬的五彩经幡，还有白色藏族风格的建筑，房子的周围有风能、太阳能作为能源，看上去像一幅大的经典画卷，美轮美奂。

走近青海湖，湖水湛蓝，清澈，辽阔，在风的吹佛下，湖水泛起朵朵浪花，海鸥展翅飞翔，让人感觉到心胸豁然开朗，有天高任飞翔，地阔任驰骋的豪放。在这祥和、宁静、圣洁、宽广的地方，尽情的释放内心深处的自我，使我们的灵魂在这里得到了净化与洗礼。

关于青海湖的传说，有“汉族传说”、有“藏族传说”、有“蒙古族传说”，最让人不能平静的是有关于仓央嘉措的故事。当年在拉萨八角街的一个酒馆里，微醺的仓央嘉措邂逅相遇给阿爸打酒的玛吉阿米，一个气宇不凡，一个双瞳剪水，清丽脱俗，只一眼，便觉仿佛前生就擦肩遇见过，今生便要与子偕臧。他们的相遇犹如烟花般，却留下了几世传唱。一个叛逆的，在臧佛教伦理与禁忌中穿越荒芜的行者，怎能做到“世间安得双全法，不负如来不负卿”呢！

我漫步在湖边，凝视着宽广宁静的湖面浮想联翩，当年仓央嘉措是否也从这里走过？！今天我是否还能嗅得他当年的气息？！当年的他是否也和我一样暂时忘记了尘世情缘？！是否还在思念他心爱的姑娘玛吉阿米？！在他们的故事里是否还有漫长等待与无尽的守候？！

1683年，在西藏纳拉活域松的地方，一个普通的农民家中诞生了一名男婴，这名男婴就是后来的六世达赖喇嘛仓央嘉措，一位在西藏历史上生平迷离，又极具才华，又备受争议的一届达赖喇嘛。1706年清康熙年间，23岁的仓央嘉措，在解送京城的途中，行至到青海湖湖畔染病圆寂，一个年轻的生命就这样陨落了，成为政治牺牲品。他信马由缰、桀骜的性格，天生就是个多情的诗人，而不是受比丘戒的活佛。正如在他的诗词里所说：和有情人，做快乐的事，别问是劫是缘。

我挥毫为他们蘸一世的痴情，用千年的青词阙歌，为他们唱一曲含血的痴念。铺一纸素笺，在平平仄仄的笺行里，深情的书写他们遥远的忧伤。我听一夜的梵歌，不为禅悟，只为寻找他们那个时代的一丝气息，我转动经筒，不为修来世，只为他们在来生，都能踏上彼此故事的开始。

神棍春

这个时候，是11年6月。浅浅的阳光打在蓝色短衬衫上。有一种温度，在6月的空气里和着不远处稻田里芳香蔓延。我的心情像头上没有任何修饰的湛蓝的天。随行的人说，鹏，只是在这个时候我才能感受你的快乐。你脸上的落寞，让我觉着很衰老。我笑笑。其实，我一直觉得自己很年轻。因为相片里，我从没有翻到自己嘴角的笑意有衰老的痕迹。

站门外会停留一些不怎么出名的大大小小车辆。桑塔纳，大众，吉普。偶尔也会冒出拖拉机。名车很少，甚至没有。每当列车到点的时候，跑路司机呼的聚集出口，操着浓重的方言大喊，茨坪——井冈景区——宁冈——白沙的有没有!!?对于在异乡听惯普通话的人们，当走出验票口，迎头装进围拢上来的拉客乡人，一般是不会厌恶。站台防弹玻璃的密封性不是很好，可以勉强维持站内中央空调的冷气不外漏。但女播音员标准的普通话会一览无遗飘向站外。不论是从站内走出的归乡人还是站外的跑路司机，没听清或么听懂也罢，纵然听懂了也觉得那是一段不小的距离。在熟悉的土地，空气传过来的乡音不经过任何过滤，这样的乡音纵然带着情绪，悠悠然听来，只会觉得——这里,离我不遥远。

父亲那老掉牙的二手摩托车是我每次回家的代步工具。井冈山站离我新居大概是25分车程(以父亲的车度，约莫要35分)。父亲很瘦小，但他一直习惯穿肥大的衣服。当发动引擎，那硕大的衣袖噗噗飘扬起来，一下就遮全我的身子。继而，父亲几日积攥的山林草气味和浅浅的汗臭扑鼻而来。这个时候，我会把头扭向车后镜看不到的地方。看道旁碧绿的稻田，以及新冒出的屋舍。

六月的稻田经不起风的挑逗。只那么一丁清风，足以掀起一阵有声有色的稻浪。白鹭穿梭隐隐结着禾穗的苗丛。几个村中小子从田垄走过，他走过的地方，田蛙跃进塘中惊起的水声盖过阵阵跫音。
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http://kan.weibo.com/con/3631804326《》06
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我不知道如何打破父亲之间的沉默。父亲把我从家载向车站与从车站把我载回家，这二者的时间跨度越长，再次见面我们的沉默也会越长。就像无言的约定，好像一定要经过一定沉默的形式，把心绪真理好了才不会冒昧。才不会突兀。终于，我开口了。爸，最近头还像以前痛吗。家里最近怎么样。见我主动打破沉默，父亲干咳两声回应示。然后像要打开话闸子似的舒一口气。而后，似乎意识到这是别离后初次见面，有的话不便多说，他硬是把舒到嘴边的空气憋了回去。父亲有点尴尬。好咧，我和你妈身体好咧，不用担心。再然后，不光是他，我也不知道要说什么了。

父亲忽然加大了马力。耳边呼呼的风声改过了所有声音。还好，这个时候可以不用说话。

忽然觉得，经过长久的或者不算短暂的别离后，再次相聚，每对父子都会无言以对吧。心酸还是幸福。其中情感的分量。孰比孰重一点。谁知道。

车子行到井冈山市与永新县地界处。路面突然由水泥路变为柏油路。地势由小丘岭猛的成了高山。从视觉到情绪，没有征兆，没有缓冲。一时间完成了所有蜕变。只有突兀的感觉。我看这突然高大起来的丘陵，一时换不过情绪。心一阵阵抽搐。疼痛难忍。

如果在井冈山路段，我还在为“生”这个字冠名“经历”的词义，这个词义多少还带有浪漫主义乐观主义情怀，那么在永新县这个路段，“生”这个字我冠名了“生存”的词义，这个词义纯粹的只是悲观主义情绪。

远山云雾缭缭。在深山里，纵然没有雨，依然能见雾。这一团，那一团。总带有那么一点凉，顺着地势无尽流泻。浪漫情怀在慢慢冷冻。多情渐变无情。冷静也只是冷酷。

父亲的摩托车依旧在一片吱呀声中行驶。硕大的衣袖遮住我镜片。拂下衣袖，眼帘是村屋破了乌瓦，干稻草进了茅房。这些景离我很近罢，这些情离我很远罢。这些情境足以让我回到小村沉默很长一段时间罢。